2008

SUSHI POPE

A serious thought

Maybe this is just me, but I find part of me deciding whether I’m seriously interested in...

Jimmy: SAINTS PERSERVE US I'M IN OIR-LAND
Jimmy: HOW DID THIS HAPPEN
Jimmy: I AM NOT GOOD WITH COMPUTER
Me: quotable
Me: YOUR INTERNETS IS RUNNING OUT
Jimmy: 1 min
Jimmy: what shall i do
Me: IT IS WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL A "TIME CRISIS"
Me: asianthumbs.com
Jimmy: i have two hours to kill and a huge backpack
Jimmy: 50 seconds
Jimmy: oh god this is not a real link
Jimmy: this just goes to another thumb page!
Jimmy: THIS IS A RUSE
Jimmy: LINK SHARING
Jimmy: I AM AGHAST
Me: AND DOOMED
Me: DOOMBED
Jimmy: HOW DO I GET REAL FOTOS
Jimmy: doombed!
Jimmy: oh god no 11 seconds
Jimmy: quick
Me: http://www.meatspin.com
Meebo Message: Jimmy is offline

What's Your Tumblr Number?

barbara:         David’s Mom:  46!  Go figure! joelaz: Tumblr assigns a sequential number to...

Me: why the fuck didn't you RSVP
John: cuz i wanted to know what moderately expensive meant
Me: and I told you what it meant
John: yet left me wanting soo much more
Me: that's the mark of a good lover
John: no, that's the mark of a terrible lover
John: what is wrong with you
John: a good lover leaves you fullfilled and asleep
Me: pshhh
Me: that's much less exciting
John: i sir do not care for this blue balls wanting more crap that you are selling
Me: It's not my fault you treat sexual opportunities as a going out of business sale and stuff everything into your grocery cart to hoard up for the long winter
John: oh man, you just called me a sexual bag lady, it is so on!!!!
Me: Bring it
John: consider it brung biznitch

Cupcakes from my co-workers for my birhday. The dripping...

Actual Notes found on Chris's Computer...

the last TWSS: armageddonTWSS-land ceases to existone guy says to the other guy:“Geez, I...

“All human actions have one or more of these seven causes:...”
— Aristotle (via zehnuhr) (via...

I wish I had realized one could fuck...

Teacher: Robert, wake up! Wake up!
Me: Ugh. Sorry, I kept having nightmares last night about my dead cat.
Teacher: What? I'm sorry. Nightmares?
Me: Yeah.
Teacher: That's terrible. When did your cat die?
Me: About a year ago, I think.
Teacher: Was it violent?
Me: No... It was very peaceful. It was a good death.
Teacher: So, you're having nightmares about your dead cat who died peacefully.
Me: Yeah.
Teacher: Are you on something?
Me: Drugs?
Teacher: I mean, really, because if you're hallucinating without any drugs, that's pretty bad.
Me: Well, I'm not on any right now, but if you're offering...
Teacher: *stares in dumbstruck silence*
Me: *maintains eye contact*
Class: *slowly and awkwardly laughs*

Google, you fucks. Way to do what you do best. Plagiarise...

I think every group of homosexuals has a mental chart of who...

david: Microsoft just handed me the most disgusting liquor. Vista Vodka? Mojave Mojito? Word Whisky?...

It's been hours and no one has said...

I sketched up a tumblr Design for a friend, but I...

I find it strikingly strange when things I’ve quoted or posted on my Tumblr show up on...

I feel sorry for people named Alana.

‘cos everytime I read their name, I at first read “Anal.” Sorry, Morisette....

I love Seth Rogen.

It took even less time for Roomie to...

Oh, I do so hope you’ll join us for another Fuck You...

It took a scant two days for the Wii Fit...

Abandon all flab, ye who enter our apartment.

Listen

In The Interest of Breaking up the...

Hi. What have I been up to lately? I’m in my first apartment, so budgeting myself is hard....

Classic AIM Follies

Visentin: I dont even know where this comment came from "SomeGuyOnAim: i won't care because [your ass] will belong to me"
Me: DUDE HE THINKS YOU ARE DATING
Visentin: I feel uncomfortable
Me: now is the time to etiher A) be like "What?" or B) ignore him forever.
Visentin: omg
Visentin: breathing uncomfortable!
Me: easy there tiger
Me: so what if the dude is sweet on you
Me: just step back and say you're not interested in a relationship right now
Me: actually
Me: say it like it was always there
Me: "You know I'm not looking for a relationship, right?"
Visentin: You know you should just log onto my sn for me from now on take all my calls etc
Me: hahah
Me: we ARE each other's secretaries
Visentin: I know!
Visentin: O fuck I copied and pasted the quotation marks

“Thanks for playing my video game! Hope it was...”
— Chris P.

Man: (Begins taking off shirt in gym locker room)
Me: Er, Excuse me...
Man: (blinded by shirt, mistakenly strikes me across my noggin)
Me: Ow.
Man: Oh geez, sorry!
Man: Boy, that'd be funny, huh? Get a black eye in a locker room?
Me: Hahah, yeah. 'The attacker was half naked. it was weird.'
Man: (Laughs shortly)
Me: (Thinking) Boy, could I have made any comment more awkward?
Man: (Strips naked)
Me: (Thinking) Actually, this is probably already the most awkward thing.

“So last year I went up to Lazy Bear,” says one of the...”
— Dogpoet, a honest to god blog...

Configuring VoIP

You are cordially invited to my Fuck You Friday!

WordArt

thegreatstraponexperiment: The Great Strap-On Experiment is going on indefinite hiatus. Thanks to...

Oh my god, Tucker Max's movie script is...

Is Julia Allison’s twitter icon SUPPOSED to look like...

do not leave cones for the public to block streets with....

nudawn: soupsoup:Karp and Cashmore mashing and tumbling....

Insecure Women Need your Love and...

Spam of the Day.

David knows what this is. I started following Topher Chris a...

Who ARE these people who care about P....

Via Pictures for Sad children

“Really, I just want a nice, smart, safe, sane woman who...”
— Strap on Experiment (via...

Another Day at the Office

Me: Amy, do you want your pen back?
Amy: (Our Secretary) Yes.
Me: Oh. *begins to walk away*
Amy: No?
Me: What do I get if I give it to you?
Amy: a blowjob?
Me: That's... inappropriate.
Amy: What do you want for it?
Me: Well, the truth is I can't give it to you because I accidentally MADE IT RUBBER *wiggles pen*
Amy: OHHHH NOOOOO~
Me: IT'S SO WACKY!
Boss: *closes door to his office*

nudawn: Chelsea west I used to live in Chelsea, one of...

Oh, Cuil.

I only told him becuase I hoped he would...

Mikey: isn't it funny how intercourse no longer merits a nod hello?
Me: I think you picked the wrong person on your buddy list to relate to this phenomenon.
Mikey: oh, well, must be nice.
Me: It is.
Me: It is nice to nod.
Me: I'm putting this on my blog.

phillip: Today, I missed San Francisco for no reason. Latent...

A background I made for my dear, dear coworker.

Spent quite a while with a friend discussing if this...

So far the primary effect of My Boss' new...

My friend’s impression of his boy friend’s O...

Someone coded a game that plays in A FAVICON....

I really would make out with my power screwdriver. I really,...

“Anyone who would letterspace blackletter would steal sheep.”
— Frederick Goudy (via annie) Hi...

MOVING IS A DUMB THING

Me: Complement me
Me: I demand it
Me: COMPLEMENT ME BECAUSE I AM CONSIDERING TAKING THE SMALLER BEDROOM BUT I WILL NOT UNLESS YOU FLATTER ME
Visentin: you're half white

The view from my new apartment’s patio! :D

Chris is not allowed to draw any more.

JIMMY’S ON THE INTERNET

Fox news discovers Photshop and promptly uses it to distort...

And I shall rule with an iron fist

I hate that all of my impressive AJAX work is on private projects, locked behind administration...

I become irrationally angry when you...

Air brush tattoos!

I got to do this at work today. Sometimes I really think...

Chris’s monastic lunch.

Stonewall Brawl

topherchris: Um, how does one show the full reblogging history of a post on a permalink page? I’ve...

The first gay couple to get married in California....

After reviewing http://customthemes.tumblr.com/ I have concluded the following things: A) Sans Serif...

“why did you fucking CC me I don’t need to know this...”
— Me in an E-Mail I ALMOST sent...

Stonewall Brawl

I have to get what I hope will be the most embarassing medical procedure of my life tomorrow. If it...

Cakewalk is not my friend

Me: so someone put a shitty song I did for a class on the internet
Josh: ..? LIIIINK.
Me: I just discovered it because my coworker started playing it and staring at me.
Me: and I was like "What is that. What are you doing. Why does that sound familiar. OH JESUS IS THAT THE SHIT I PUMPED OUT FOR THAT CLASS"
Me: I literally did it in like. a hour. while tired :{
Josh: LINK ME.
Me: (Link Omitted to save face)
Me: It's, uh, "Sandra Bullock stars in The Net" and I swear to god I did not title it that.

“Did I ever tell you about the time in Thailand when I paid a...”
— Swear to god someone just said...

Do people even bother saying they know...

I am now declaring that I am in a state of financial duress. This realization came to me when I...

Alas, alack; forsooth!

I just realized how destructive microblogging and/or tumblr has been to my writing skills....

COMEDY!

“Evidently my mother has taken my brother aside and quietely...”
— Josh (this is why I have...

I'm raising my hand but you can't see...

Raise your hand if you’ve ever gone to http://www.lipsum.com to copy a paragraph of lorem...

Reflections on a first Tumblr Theme

After paging through my Tumblr wtih the new theme (Videos are borked, haven’t tested in MSIE...

I made a Tumblr Theme today!

In about four hours. I had been messing around with other designs, but I designed this on a lark,...

Stephen: how's your stuff?
Me: Ever try to con your friends into going to something
Me: 'cos you wanna go but you can't go by yoruself
Stephen: yes.
Me: but you also don't want your friends to know you want to go 'cos they'd make fun of you
Me: so you're like "Oh hey, I guess theres nothing to do tonight... Oh, look at this silly little thing I happen to know aobut."
Stephen: wait. now i'm confused.
Stephen: where are you going, Dragon Con?

david: Suh-weet. My honorary degree just got here. Just...

Ironically, done on my Mother’s Computer, in...

I knew I was gay because...

Every once in a while, I have a strange urge to listen to/watch the video of Hey Mickey

Minor annoyances while trying to create...

Why doesn’t Automator offer the ability to schedule running workflows without the help of...

phillip: Happy Mother’s Day! Note: Those were not my...

Um. Group Karaoke dinner? I’m terrified

Rrrgh

The Globe, one of my favorite “Eh, why not there?” places, removed the two best things...

I just rick rolled an entire bar during Karaoke. Never gonna give you up!

The Plight of a Programmer

M: yo waddup
M: how r u?
Robert (Me): learning how to program for the ipod
M: program? like coding for it?
Robert (Me): yeah
M: huh what does that do?
Robert (Me): To make games for it
Robert (Me): at work
M: HAHA niice
Robert (Me): well, it is my job
M: to put stuff on ipods?
Robert (Me): to make games
M: oh ok, i want a game
M: but my ipod broke, do you also fix ipods?
Robert (Me): Remind me to slap you next time I see you

Swear to god this ad just came up on facebook.

I swear to god I went through this phase in my sophomore...

More of what my co-workers think of me.

That word is KIND of a faux pas.

Me: (Playing pool with Mikey at a gay bar)
Stranger: (About 40-50 years old) (Approaches me)
Stranger: Hi. I have a question.
Me: Shoot.
Stranger: Are you negro?
Me: ... Um. I'm half black, half irish.
Stranger: Thanks. (walks away)
Me: (thinking) Oh my god, I'm going to get hate crimed tonight.

More of what my company thinks of me.

Mikey: when i came back, there were two moose INSIDE the house, one on the deck, and my mom was screaming and sobbing. i looked down and half of her leg was missing. i looked at the moose and it was hanging out of his mouth.
Mikey: and then i woke up.
Me: ...
Me: Mikey.
Me: Do you realize that that is the most ludicrous thing ever?

phillip: 3 Musketeers made with dark chocolate and cherry...

Twitter spamminess

topherchris: If you’re following more than 2,000 people on Twitter and only 100 are following you,...

This is exactly why I hate Google

I’m doing work on a ASP.Net site that will use the Google API. I’m already using the...

Some stuff from my typography class.

Some stuff from my typography class.

“Imitating paper on a computer screen is like tearing the...”
— Ted Nelson (via...

Me, pissed off that none of the printers in this building...

Yes it is purple.

Protip: When posting pictures of yourself to an Internet...

david: Type “listen” on the Dashboard to activate it.  Did...

I know i said i wouldn’t drunk Blog any more, but why the Fuck is Carson kressly [The Lead...

Going though some old pictures

Bloggers - placing themselves in mortal...

for some god forsaken reason, they put two shots of espresso in my cappucino, and now I’m...

Stranger: Awww, he's leaving!
Me: (thinking) Huh. I could have gotten laid tonight.