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2010

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January 4

2009

December 16
November 8
October 16
September 8
August 19
July 23
June 25
May 25
April 42
March 39
February 27
January 42

2008

December 18
November 12
October 16
September 14
August 19
July 25
June 15
May 20
April 31
March 52
February 19
January 31

2007

December 24
November 24
October 18
September 34
August 12
July 27
June 35
May 46
April 33
March 22
February 21
January
My friends are Whores Version 2
Dec 2nd
Dec 1st
Brett is Quoted.
Nov 28th

Scene: Thanksgiving Dinner at a...

Mom: I'm going to go to the bathroom. (Gets up, walks away from table)
Robert: Do you think I should tell Mom about my boyfriend?
Chelsea: Sure. I bet she'd be cool with it.
Robert: Yeah, well. I dunno. It's just a weird topic to bring up. And who talks about relationships of two months?
Chelsea: It'll be fine. It's gonna come out when you're drunk anyway.
Robert: Yeah, I guess.
Mom: (Sits back down at table)
Mom: So, Robert, I hear you have a boy in your life.
Robert: THANKS, CHELSEA.
Nov 28th

A quote from Ace of Cakes

Girl setting up the Noah’s Ark cake diorama says of her creative process, “All the...
Nov 26th
Stephen: i am not allowed to donate sperm
Riot: 'cos you have had gay sex?
Stephen: yep
Stephen: i fit all the other things.
Riot: don't forget all those shared needles.
Riot: (Aside: you can't donate blood for the same reason, if you don't know)
Stephen: i'm taller than 5'9. i have a bachelor's degree. i'm between 19-38.
Riot: you're racially pure
Riot: (no halfbreeds)
Stephen: i think you can still give blood if you've been tested.
Stephen: or have not had anal for a long time
Riot: 1979
Riot: (when they think aids was introduced)
Riot: however, the waiting period for having sex for a hooker, is two years
Stephen: they test all of it for everything before the put it in people.
Riot: testing it is what makes the blood thing all the more ludicrous
Riot: trust me, they don't want your gay blood
Stephen: k
Stephen: i don't want their stale cookies.
Riot: fair enough.
Nov 25th

Scene: Le Petit Robert Bistro

Brett: How long have we been here?
Me: It's Eight fifty.
Brett: So. Twenty minutes?
Me: I guess.
...
Waitress: Have you guys been helped?
Me: No.
Waitress: Can I take your order?
Me: I'll have the Applewood salmon to start, the Lobster Bisque for a soup, and the Venison Escalopes for an entree.
Brett: I'll have the foie gras appetizer to start, then we'd like the Pate to share, then I'd like the onion soup, and then the Sweetbreads.
Waitress: We thought you were cheap when you got here. Now we're going to get you to stay here for the rest of your lives.
Nov 22nd
Ricky: So, I hear you have a boy.
Me: I am dating someone.
Ricky: You have a boy.
Me: Yes.
Ricky: Who is he?
Me: You haven't met him.
Me: See how that works?
Ricky: What?
Me: Hm?
Nov 18th
Who’s got two thumbs and can tie a full windsor? THIS...
Nov 14th
I now hate Katy Perry. If you read this, you...
Nov 13th
“I’ve met another man. He’s the best man I’ve ever met. He’s...”
— Sabina (via nudawn)
Nov 13th
Nov 3rd
I love the remnants of people’s costumes the day after...
Nov 3rd
jimmy stop quoting stand up comedians in casual conversation that’s so chris
Nov 3rd