Burn Tumblr!

I haven’t bought non-organic eggs in a long time, after some advice from my japanese teacher...

Mar 31st

Watch

STAINS INTERNET CELEBRITY

Mar 31st

Aurora: exam's a comin
Me: on wut?
Aurora: biochem
Me: psh
Me: easy
Me: ask me any multiple choice biochem question
Me: I'll answer it accurately
Aurora: k
Aurora: amino-nitrogen generated from the oxidation of amino acids in muscle cells during fasting is transported predominantly in the form of:
Aurora: A. glutamate and alanine.
Aurora: B. ammonia and purines.
Aurora: C. glutamine and alanine.
Aurora: D. serine and glycine.
Aurora: E. branched-chain amino acids and glutamine.
Aurora: you're looking this up, aren't you!
Aurora: brb, you better answer by the time i'm back
Aurora: 3 minutes!
Me: um
Me: I'm not
Me: My plan was to guess
Me: so I'm gonna guess
Me: D
Aurora: wrong
Aurora: it was C
Aurora: seeee ya
Me: WAIT NO
Meebo: Aurora is offline
Me: I TYPOED
Me: I MEANT F
Me: FOR I FUCKED YOUR MOM

Mar 30th

I’m in a bit of a shit mood, but finding something made it all better: the Unfollow fridays...

Mar 29th

Mar 28th

“I heard someone on the radio once say that they were tired...”
— Ricky Gervais. I have to say...

Mar 27th

Watch

paulrudd: Seth Rogen spitting water into Paul Rudd’s mouth

Mar 27th

paulrudd: (via bromantic) shhh no words let’s not...

Mar 27th

My Dream Job

Me: man, why am I in school when I could be doing what I love
John: sucking dick and makin coffee?

Mar 26th

Best Web 2.0 Portfolio Site Ever

Mar 25th

TOPHER CHRIS FELLATING A GHOST. (via myeviltwin)

Mar 25th

Lessons Never Learned

There is no shortage of situations with children wherein one will steal an item from the other, and...

Mar 25th

Conversations with Myself

Me: Huh. That kid in a wheelchair is wearing that brand of shirt I used to wear like, years ago.
Me: Well, I guess it takes a while for clothes to be low enough on the shelves for him to reach them.

Mar 24th

My sister and I have a good repertoire.

Chelsea: and i might not answer, I'm at work
me: At the yarn store?
me: watch out for the yarn snakes
me: they're deadly.
me: just part of the risk of the high profile, high reward work at the yarn yard.
Chelsea: wow. so bitter. so young.

Mar 24th

Watch

Look. Just watch it.

Mar 24th

"You're wearing pink? That is so gay!"

phillip: Really? It’s gay? Does the act of wearing a pink polo somehow make it seem that I’m...

Mar 23rd

How to get us to drink more

Just out of ear shot, have two waiters discuss if we’ve had every drink on the menu yet. ...

Mar 23rd

lemon and citrus, green and malibu, Chambord and So co. Pine apple and ? The search for the...

Mar 23rd

The Voicemail I left my Mother

Hi Mom. Just thought I’d call, you know, see what’s up. I cut my hair really short...

Mar 21st

I AM TWENTY TWO

I HAVE GREY HAIR WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT IS THAT

Mar 21st

how many dudes are gonna hit on me tonight FUCK GAY BARS. This post was brought to you by drunk...

Mar 21st

the conversations that happen when I'm...

Me: Man, I wanna eat something in a bar.
Jimmy: What, like a burger?
Me: No, I mean in the SHAPE of a bar.

Mar 19th

“WOULD THIS TINY ASIAN GIRL REALLY BE OPENING THE DOOR FOR ME...”
— tired thoughts.

Mar 19th

why would I want to look at all last...

A while ago, somefuck made a post on Tumblr that was like, “Guys, you know how we always reach...

Mar 19th

Watch

This is a guy doing sign language and dancing to Womanizer, by Britney Spears. It deserves a reblog...

Mar 18th

Conversations inside my head

Cashier: Can I help you?
Me: Hi, can I get a medium chicken parm sub?
Cashier: I'm sorry, we're out.
Me: Wh... what?
Cashier: We're out of chicken parmesan.
Me: I don't understand.
Cashier: Anything el- Robert, are you crying?
Me: IN TIMES LIKE THESE I ONLY KNOW HOW TO EAT AND CRY
Cashier: Shhh, robert, it'll be okay. There there.
Me: AND YOU WON'T GIVE ME FUCKING FOOD SO GUESS WHERE THAT LEAVES ME SHITBRICK

Mar 17th

clear and sunny

Mar 12th

Mar 10th

Phone Conversations with my Mom

Me: Yeah, I made a weather site, because I got tired of going to weather.com. It's terrible.
Mom: Why do you go to weather.com anyway? Why don't you just listen to the radio?
Me: Geez, mom, what decade was I born in? The _70s_?
Mom: Hahah!.... You little shit.

Mar 10th

I am so angry at loudandclear.com

Watching the commercial for this product made me angry. It is a hearing aid that just looks like a...

Mar 9th

An idea I had for a comic entitled,...

Dentist: Robert, I have bad news.
Me: Oh no!
Dentist: You have a cavity.
Dentist: And herpes.
Me: What? Like... oral herpes?
Dentist: No, the dick kind.
Me: ...
Dentist: Things aren't going to be weird now that we had sex, right?

Mar 8th

Someone please remind me to blog about Loud...

Mar 8th

“The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating...”
— I got Starbucks today.

Mar 5th

Listen

Naomi - Perfect Day In Hell. One of my favorite bands playing one of their worst songs.

Mar 5th

Listen

Black Box Recorder - Brutality

Mar 5th

Listen

Cibo Matto - About a Girl (Nirvana Cover)

Mar 5th

“Fate — though imaginary — is on my side; one of...”
— It has thus been decreed

Mar 5th

I had to start a twitter for a class,...

Nicole: stop being a big baby
me: STOP FOLLOWING ME ON TWITTER
Nicole: block me
Nicole: and ill stop following
me: Wretched, wretched creature!
Nicole: :P
me: ugh
me: what can I do to get you to stop following
me: I cast a pox upon all your houses
Nicole: i sent you a tweet
me: HOW DO I SEND YOU A SHUT THE FUCK UP

Mar 4th

Bartender: The man down there would like to buy you a drink.
Me: Really? Who?
Bartender: Over there, with the pony tail.
Me: Oh, no. NO.

Mar 4th