Burn Tumblr!

2010

December

November

October

September

August

July

June

May

April

March

February

January 4

2009

December 16

November 8

October 16

September 8

August 19

July 23

June 25

May 25

April 42

March 39

February 27

January 42

2008

December 18

November 12

October 16

September 14

August 19

July 25

June 15

May 20

April 31

March 52

February 19

January 31

2007

December 24

November 24

October 18

September 34

August 12

July 27

June 35

May 46

April 33

March 22

February 21

January

I love picturesforsadchildren.com

Flipping Typical.com - View a sentence in all...

I have nothing insightful to say, but I...

At The Savant Project in Boston. Shit tasted greasy. At least I can say “I have chugged Bacon...

GPOYW: Extra gratuitous edition.

““But [your dog] looks fabulous now,” she said. “He’s got a...”
— Dogpoet

Names Redacted to Protect the Infected

(In the middle of conversation, though it quickly became the end)
Friend: So, do you have herpes?
New Friend: Uh.... No?
Friend: I do.

Note for later Blog: female condoms

Shoulda been my first warning I was...

Me: Oh man, I should get breath strips!
Me: Otherwise John will complain.
Me: John's such a bitch.
Me: *goes into corner store*
Me: (They probably hate me already because EVERYONE WHO OWNS CORNER STORES IS RACIST)
Me: *backs up into something, knocks over display*
Cashier: Uh, do you need something?
Me: Yeah, I'm uh, lookin' for breath strips?
Cashier: Breath strips?
Me: Yeah, they're small... they're breathy...
Me: (did I just describe something as breathy?)
Cashier: we don't HAVE them.
Me: Mm. *Continues to look*
Me: (Oh, look, breath strips.)
Me: (Guess you just wanted me to leave BECAUSE YOU'RE A RACIST)

Note for later: breath strips

“Karp says $4.5 million raised in December gives Tumblr...”
— David, you haven’t made...

Today I wrote a Javascript class in a few hours that takes an Array of Objects and prints out a...

My company made an iphone game! It’s called “Hot...

Me: This street is so nice! It reminds me of home.
Me: I should walk this way more often.
Me: There are so many flowers in bloom!
Me: *Snifffffffffffff*
Me: Did I just step over a puddle of piss?

Would my teacher like it if the cover of my portfolio said...

HOMOSEXUALITY [on Facebook]

Facebook Gay: you do realize we need to go on a date soon right?
Adam: Yeah, you and your friends are fun, I am sure I will run into you guys again. I saw your friends last thursday, it was good times
Facebook Gay: cool cool...um you and I need a date. my bday is May 1st so thats what i want for my bday a date with Adam
Adam: I'm sorry dude, I'm not interested in you that way
Facebook Gay: evil
Facebook Gay: and you just ruined my bday hope youre happy with yourself (runs away crying)
(Conversation Ends)

Haters gonna hate (Specifically, Brett)

You guys, Facebook just showed me this ad. WHAT.

I'm very surprised that David Karp's...

Just callin’ to say hello, and that I love you so. And now I’ll let you go.

What it's like to talk to me

Me: (Being bumped into as people pass) Move.
Paul: (Does not move)
Me: MOVE.
Paul: (Starts grinning like an idiot and does not move).
Me: MOVE! (Slams hips into Paul, forcing him to move).
Paul: What, you don't like all the people grinding against you?
Me: Not unless they buy me dinner first.
Paul: Geez, if that's what you get for thirty bucks, what do you get for fifty?
Me: I give you a handjob with my mouth.
Paul: Man, you're cheap!
Me: Well, you make it hard to stay competitive.

I’m pissed off that my typography teacher butchered my...

“Did you know that in Japan they sell all their weird porn in...”
— Thumper goes abroad.

I'm glad I'm graduating.

Teacher: You're not working on this assignment.
Me: No.
Teacher: Why?
Me: This other class' assignment is due tomorrow.
Teacher: But you're here now.
Me: Yes, well. This is triage.
Teacher: So, you came to this class to work on other classes?
Me: I actually came to give my peers moral support.
Me: I think that my presence is appreciated.
Student: Yeah. Morale.
Other Student: Thanks for coming.
Me: See, it's a community.
Teacher: *sighs and walks away*
Me: WE'RE a community.

The new Peaches album fackin' SUCKS

There is not a SINGLE standout track on that motherfucker. This is coming from someone who includes...

Oh Man!

settingitaside: i could clean my room, organize my computer files,… review my compatible...

FUCK YEAH CILANTRO

via topherchris:Ted Talk:

It is my life’s goal to dress up as K’ for...

When you assume...

Me: *Notices Stan in bathroom doorway* Hey, Stan!
Stan: Hey man, what's up?
Me: Nothing, how's stuff? I haven't seen you around in a while.
Stan: Yeah, I have a boyfriend now.
Me: (Notices Stan is alone) Ohh, cool. For how long?
Stan: September
Me: Wow, that's a really long time! So why are you out now?
Stan: Eh, change of pace.
Me: Yeah, I bet you've just been staying in at home with him?
Me: BORRRRIIIIIING
Guy: *Walks out of bathroom and past Stan very quickly*
Stan: Well, that's my boyfriend, Bye! *walks away very quickly*
Me: oogh.

Note for a Blog: stan

Correspondances with my Family

JOHN DID THIS. TO HIMSELF. HE SAYS I OWE HIM FIVE BUCKS FOR...

(via myeviltwin )

Two things I love: The Burger King & Sir Mix-A-Lot (Spongebob, on the otherhand, can go fuck...

My type glossary poster. I don’t even recognize it...

The Unmarked Beer

Friend: why are you going to ikea?
Me: a friend is going and I told him I'd blow him on the way if he took me
Friend: You know, I have a car as well
Friend: lol
Me: you should have offered earlier
Me: you could be getting a sweet beej with the wind in your hair
Friend: maybe you should have offered earlier
Me: well, next week we can go to... schikea.
Me: it's full of... smitchens.

I've made three dudes cry this weekend.

Side note: It is weird to see that your friend’s mom’s tumblr reblogged a tumblr named...

Hah! Someone just tried to grab my ass and got a fistful of wallet. TAKE THAT YA QUEER

Notes for a later post: bud light unmarked beer sour wine piss champagne original

College Humor can actually be pretty funny.