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2010

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February

2009

June 25
May 25
April 42
March 39
January 42

2008

June 15
May 20
April 31
March 52
January 31

2007

June 35
May 46
April 33
March 22
January
Alec: Hope you're ready for our client to come in tomorrow.
Me: Ugh, as long as he's paying us money.
Alec: And giving us all handjobs.
Jimmy: You're not serious.
Alec: Handjobs for everyone. It's in the contract.
Me: He's so old! It'd be so coarse.
Me: It'd be like getting a h-jay from a tree.
Jimmy: Could you guys stop?
Alec: Oh man, that'd really help with my genital warts.
Jul 1st
(via xavierjones) These are my screen names. I had a rough...
Jul 1st
Writegeist
Jun 29th

Amazon's Suggestions are Insane

Okay, I see why you feel the need to offer me video games, based on my previous video game...
Jun 29th

Nothing makes me sadder than videos of...

Jun 27th

How I use Facebook to lash out at you

Me: Ugh, I guess I'm going to this event if my roommate is.
Me: *clicks on 'Attending'*
Me: Wait, you know what? Fuck this guy. I don't even like him.
Me: *clicks on 'Maybe Attending'*
Me: Hahah! Wallow in doubt!
Jun 26th

Fuck you, subconscious!

Ever have dreams where an Ex’s face is on a different Ex’s body?
Jun 25th

A Brief Summary of my Night

Thumper: Alright, I'll give you a ride home.
Me: Kay!
Thumper: (sprays on cologne)
Me: What is that? Cologne? For what?
Thumper: Shut up! (Sprays it on me)
Me: FUCK
Me: OH FUCK
Me: (rubs eyes) YOU FUCKING MACED ME
Jun 25th
Amy: Yeah, my boyfriend and I broke up last night.
Me: Was it awkward?
Amy: Kind of.
Amy: Right before he left, I hugged him and said, "Thanks for the relationship!"
Jun 24th
“Ha ha! I love Chris Rock.”
— Our Australian tourist,...
Jun 23rd
I kind of feel like I should go see Twilight just so I can understand pop culture? Is that right? I...
Jun 22nd
Nail Polish is banned by the current Iranian administration.
Jun 20th
gifparty: GIF by Katya at schnackles.tumblr.com If I had a nickel!
Jun 20th

Having a Sex and The City moment

DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE TO CALL WHEN THERE ARE POSSIBLE CRACKHEADS DOZING OUTSIDE OF YOUR APARTMENT...
Jun 14th

WTFUPDATE

SOMEONE IS SLEEPING OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT DOOR
Jun 14th

I came on tumblr to say two things

One) either someone is sleeping in the hallway or I can hear someone’s snoring from their...
Jun 14th

How to find out if someone deals drugs.

Me: You, uh.
Me: You have something in your nose there.
Gay: Oh, shit.
Gay: *snrt!*
Me: Nope. Still there.
Gay: It's advertising!
Jun 11th
Fixed.
Jun 10th
I just saw an Ikea ad. The main point of the ad seemed to be that the couch was very strong, because...
Jun 9th
This is my older sister. Yes, apparently I have become one...
Jun 8th
Testing photo uploads with this picture of my roommate...
Jun 8th

I got a Palm Pre

Haven’t ported my verizon number to it yet though, apparently I don’t have the account...
Jun 6th
“Sarcasm is the language of the devil. You have always been...”
— Phil’s Mom to Phil,...
Jun 4th

LinkedIn

isn’t cool.
Jun 3rd

Uncut Penises: The Silent, Fleshy Killer

My roommate is CONVINCED that he’s getting strep throat repeatedly from his latin...
Jun 2nd
“The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or...”
— Helen Keller (via barbara) To...
Jun 2nd