Burn Tumblr!

I will be wearing a hat until this shituation resolves...

Jul 31st

Finally figured out how to properly use...

SELECT task.id as id, task.name as name, task.assigned_to AS assigned_to, task.manager_id AS...

Jul 29th

Watch

annie: Augmented Reality iPhone MTA Subway App! This is the fucking future here, people.

Jul 28th

Not 100% sure what this facebook ad is for.

Jul 24th

“I wanna know where I can go play an arcade game in which I...”
— John

Jul 23rd

As a rabid fan of Helvetica, on this one I have to say:...

Jul 21st

“I ALREADY want bacon.”
— The first thing I thought upon...

Jul 20th

www.myspace.com/HenryGaleIsABand

Dave: do you or anyone in the office have a copy of the old pokemon game boy game?
Me: what why
Dave: because I'm leaving on tour today, and I can't find mine
Dave: and we really really wanna trade teh pokemans on tour
Me: jesus christ you are the nerdiest fucking band

Jul 17th

My Sisters and I love each other

Me: what's up?
Chelsea: nothing, at work, can't really talk unfortch
Me: ooh, okay. have fun, steal a bottle of st. germain for me
Chelsea: fag
Me: shut up and get me drunk

Jul 17th

What my co-worker thinks I look like

Jul 16th

“So steeped am I in terrible violence that seeing a...”
— I refuse to give you context...

Jul 16th

http://www.wookiepedia.org

Mikey: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS SAY?!
Me: what
Mikey: wookieepedia?!
Me: it's wikipedia for wookies.
Mikey: what are wookies?!
Mikey: and what language is this in?!
Me: ... the species that chewbacca is, in star wars
Mikey: does this actually say shit?!
Me: I think we're done here
Mikey: hahaha
(pause)
Mikey: no but really. is this something that some people can legitimately understand?

Jul 15th

My boss made me sign a card we're...

Naturally, I signed it: “Thanks! Now I can finish my shot for shot remake of Studio 54!”

Jul 14th

A day at the gym.

Counter girl: Hey, can you open this?
Me: Heh, sure.
Me: *opens the snapple bottle, flexing overdramatically* HYUUUUERGH
Counter girl: Um. Thanks.
Me: (WHY AM I SO AWKWARD)

Jul 10th

“Heehee, oh Ike [the dog], you LIKE licking my back when...”
— HORRIFYING THINGS I HAVE HEARD...

Jul 9th

The bathroom in our office only has two...

Me: Oh geez, you're in here?
Alec: (At urinal) Hey Robert. What's up?
Me: (goes to other urinal) Just... Just shut up.
Alec: Peeing with no hands and texting... what could be better?
Me: I'm going to stare at the ceiling now, and pretend you're not here.
(silence)
Alec: Ahh... Mm... Oh god, yeah.
(silence)
Alec: (Pats me on the back)
Me: AUGH
Alec: Relax, that hand didn't touch my dick.

Jul 9th

“While Japan isn’t as clued into rhythm, Tsunku pointed...”
— The Developer of Rhythm Heaven

Jul 9th

Pressing your right and left keyboard...

Not the kind of thing you want to discover when you just woke up and are highly disoriented.

Jul 7th

HOW DID I END UP ON A BOAT TODAY

Jul 4th

“It’s not easy being a bisexual Muslim. … I have to...”
— I learn so much about...

Jul 4th

Overheard walking home at 1 AM

Girl: Are you gonna remember me in the morning?
Guy: I'm going to completely forget you.

Jul 3rd

Click it to see the Not Seinfeld For Work back of the cover....

Jul 3rd

Alec: Hope you're ready for our client to come in tomorrow.
Me: Ugh, as long as he's paying us money.
Alec: And giving us all handjobs.
Jimmy: You're not serious.
Alec: Handjobs for everyone. It's in the contract.
Me: He's so old! It'd be so coarse.
Me: It'd be like getting a h-jay from a tree.
Jimmy: Could you guys stop?
Alec: Oh man, that'd really help with my genital warts.

Jul 1st

(via xavierjones) These are my screen names. I had a rough...

Jul 1st