Burn Tumblr!

It's the simple things that make you...

Today, I remembered that I will never have to breast feed anyone.

Aug 29th

Aug 28th

Jimmy: i think you are the most comical yet least likely to overlap in my personal life
Me: what do you mean by overlap?
Jimmy: well
Jimmy: some of my brand of oversharing is fairly robert-specific
Jimmy: because fuck if i see you ever
Jimmy: other than right there
Jimmy: or at jay's gaywarming party
Me: I'm going to write all your secrets on my chest and hang out with you
Me: and whenever you turn around I will lift up my shirt
Me: BLACKMALE

Aug 27th

How to motivate yourself to go to the...

While drunk, take a naked picture of yourself. Forget about this picture. Later, when arbitrarily...

Aug 22nd

FUCK MY BALLS IT IS HOT

Who told it to get this fucking hot?! Did you say to? I sure as shit didn’t. It is...

Aug 22nd

Things John Has Said Today

John: My fatness is en vogue!!
John: my pubes are already awkwardly colored, like the rest of my hair
John: we gotta start getting pennies from 1982 and older
John: maybe you need a trackstar gender test
John: lets talk about dogs that can smell cancer
John: SHIT ON YOUR HEAD

Aug 20th

Rough day at the office

Me: did you get that email from jay?
Me: DAVE LANDRY PAY ATTENTION TO ME
Co-Worker: yes.
Me: The blog he linked as a model is a wordpress blog
Co-Worker: mhm
Me: is there any blog software you have skinned before ro would like tos kin?
Co-Worker: that sentence doesn't make any sense.
Me: YES IT DOES DAVE LANDRY
Me: SKINNING
Me: CHANGING HOW BLOGS LOOK
Me: LIKE WITH CSS AND STUFF
Co-Worker: "is there any blog software you have skinned before ro would like tos kin? "
Me: DAVE LANDRY DO NOT FUCK WITH ME TODAY I WILL SHAVE YOUR BODY
Co-Worker: define "ro", "tos", and "kin"
Meebo: Co-Worker is offline [Because I blocked him on AIM]

Aug 19th

I wonder which part of my profile clued Facebook’s Ad...

Aug 18th

Every time I hang out with this kid, (who I suspect has an...

Aug 17th

Dear Scott Thompson, Give me your rhinestone studded...

Aug 15th

It’s difficult to say bad things about your...

Aug 13th

barbara: … trailing behind. BARBARA I WILL RUIN YOU

Aug 13th

Best fucking video game cover ever.

Aug 12th

!!! nerd alert nerd alert !!!

Okay, Javascript has a Date Object. It’s used to make doing calculations and comparisons of...

Aug 11th

Caragh is a follicle extremist.

Aug 7th

Attn: Everyone in high school

You’re a terrible fucking photographer

Aug 7th

What it's like to be in my awful, awful,...

Asian Man: ahem
Me: (Dude, There was no reason to cough)
Me: (Not Cool)
Me: (He probably saw the song 'Dragon Queen' on my phone and thought I was texting about him)

Aug 6th

Mikey's Abstinence Countdown Clock

Aug 5th

How to never get invited to brunch with...

Waitress: Sorry, this table is so sticky!
Me: Yeah, that's my fault.

Aug 3rd