My Birth Plan
You know what I’m tired of? Funny movies and TV shows that have a character giving birth, and then they cant’ do their birth plan ‘cos they need a C-section or the baby is coming out feet first or something. For one, it’s a cheap way to create drama, especially when no comedy is really gonna kill a baby. For another, wouldn’t it be a lot funnier if they did do the birth plan, and it got increasingly ridiculous as it went on?
“Honey, I need you to bring me a pepper.”
“A pepper? What? Why?”
“Because I’m going to bite into it the moment the baby breaches.”
“Uh…”
“It’s what buddhist monks do.”
“I’m not sure… Peppers are even a thing in asia”
“HONEY MY BIRTH PLAN”
“I have your pepper. Sorry it took me so long, they were escorting some kind of band out of the waiting area.”
“The romanian musicians? HONEY GO GET THEM THEY ARE PART OF MY BIRTH PLAN”
“Gypsies are part of your birth plan?”
“Whoa! Whoa. No one said they were gypsies. Honey, I don’t want you to use that kind of language around our baby.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just th-“
“Racism is not part of my birth plan.”
